Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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