I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You're so nebulous sometimes
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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