i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
