Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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