Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
