i think i have two assholes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
