and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
