If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
