it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
