that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
