I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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