So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
