I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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