I didn't shave. On purpose
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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