He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
