I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
