Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
