I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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