Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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