FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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