Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
