My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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