I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
