New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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