I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
