You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can I color on your dick again?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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