Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
