I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
