Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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