Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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