Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
