And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
