Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
