Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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