Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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