new low.... made out with someone while peeing
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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