I skipped work to stalk him.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
