remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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