Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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