Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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