So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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