I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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