Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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