FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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