I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
