the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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