the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
