apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
