so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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