Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm passing your future prison.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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