It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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